The Golden Years
Thought up: 10.2.03 – 5:00pm
Written: 10.2.03 - 5:01 pm
#22

When people say that they’re the happiest they’ve ever been, are they really being serious about it? Or is it something deeper in their psyche that’s telling them to “think” they are happier than ever. I think that it’s very possible that people aren’t truly happy with where they are in life, but they convince themselves that they are. I’m sure this isn’t what people want to hear, but I think it’s the truth.

For example, when people are in their sixties and seventies, they claim this time in their lives to be “The Golden Years!” What does that mean? Gold as in, super old, bones breaking down, body parts sagging a little more? Gravity is NOT your friend! It won’t make you look or feel any better at ANY time in your life! There’s a 97% chance that your teeth aren’t even your own. Odds are, they’re made out of some synthetic plastic or wood like ol’ George Washington! I’ve seen those people rolling around in the walkers and whatnot time and time again. The walker is not golden by any means, but it’s apparent that the person is having fun. I don’t see the correlation here.

I’ve been to my grandparents house a time or two, and don’t get me wrong, I love both sets a TON, but I’m sorry, they just don’t seem to have fun that often. I walk in to see Grampa taking his nap on the chair, asleep with the boxing match on. Meanwhile, Gramma is either reading a book, telling Grampa to stop snoring, or not there at all and at the bowling alley. Yes, bowling is a lovely time, but honestly. You could do that stuff when you’re 24 or 25 and not have to worry about the bowling ball ripping your arm off your shoulder or your back giving out when you bend over to toss the ball! I’ll roll in there and start up a conversation with Gramps, and it ALWAYS starts, and ends, the same way:

Gramps: “Oh, hi Andy! I didn’t even hear you come in! You woke me up!”

Andy: “Yea, Gramps, actually I’ve been watching this movie for about an hour and 1/2 … Could you keep it down, it’s almost done!”

Gramps: “Oh yea, don’t worry ab…. Zzz… z.z..z…”

—30 minutes later—

Gramps: “Oh, hi Andy! I didn’t even hear you come in! You woke me up! How have you been doing!”

Andy: “Oh, I’ve been alright!”

Gramps: “Good, good! How’s work?”

Andy: “It’s going alright, they pay me every two weeks whether I want it or not still!”

Gramps: “Well that’s good, that’s really good! I remember when… [Insert old comment here that is clearly MUCH tougher than whatever you’re currently doing.]

Andy: “Yea, that’s true Grampa, but that’s the way it goes… What have you been up to?”

Gramps: “Oh, not much, went to the cabin this past weekend. The creek is getting high again! But other than that, I’m just sitting around, waitin’ my turn.

Andy: “Lovely, lovely.”

Gramps: “Are you hungry? Have you eaten anything today? I think we have some leftover SPAM sandwiches in the fridge!”

Andy: “I’d love one!”

Gramps: “Zzzzzzzzzzzz.”

So basically, it’s not stunning conversation, but I love the man to death. He’s always been there for me. Maybe, just maybe the “Golden Years” really are meant for the other people that are hanging around. It’s golden to everyone else because they’re realizing that it won’t be super fun to get older. Perhaps being the older generation, they just chose the color gold to proclaim their lifestyle, because it was “hip” at the time because the record company hadn’t invented platinum yet. Oh, if old people knew about platinum, and other things more lucrative than gold such as:

1. Platinum (clearly)

2. Diamonds

3. Yahoo Stock in the early 90’s

4. Baseball cards

5. Beanie Babies

6. Alex Rodriguez married to Kevin Garnett

I can just picture an older couple sitting on a boat somewhere in the South Pacific, living out their traveling dreams of long ago, sitting back, and really living the life, spending their “Alex Rodriguez married to Kevin Garnett Years” together. Now THAT’S a fine lifestyle. Scratch the “Golden Years.”

I’m just sure that there are far better years in your life than the late 50’s and 60’s. I have really enjoyed my time thus far since graduating college a few years back. I’m very comfortable, have a good job, a nice place to live, good car, good health, and good friends. That, right there, one-ups the “Golden Years” people by one. Good health.

When you’re in college, hell, those years should have a name too. You learn a lot of neat things there, granted, an entire new story, but they’ve got to be able to get some credit in there. Perhaps they could be dubbed the “Silver Bullet Years.” For others in the institution of “higher” learning, it could be called the “Green Years.” While some chose the path of studying and furthering their scholastic education, the “Taped-Coke-Bottle-Glasses Years.” Many of my good friends come from that spectrum, lovely folks.

This ideology can further be dumped into the area of the work (huge tangent ahead, drive carefully). Many people are under the impression that they like their jobs. This is clearly not true. They stay at their jobs because they need the money to pay the mortgage, and to feed the kids, and to pay off the blackmailers (what, you don’t?). They say that they are perfectly comfortable with what they’re doing just to spare themselves the embarrassment of having to admit that they can’t find another job, and are not motivated enough to try!

It’s 100% a psyche thing, just like being old I think. If you admit to yourself that you had way more fun when you were in college, single, and had 1,000 friends around at all times, then it’s pretty pointless living your life anymore. But if you refer to your current lifestyle as the “Golden Years” then people can’t judge you. The younger generation can’t criticize you, because you’ve always got the comeback of, “wait till you get to be my age.” I’m still fairly young, and I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve got it good now! I’d like to find myself a way to get into an old person’s head for a day or 2, just to check it out.

I’m sure they have some top-secret pact with other old people that they can’t divulge the secrets of oldness to the younger generation, or else it wouldn’t make them want to live anymore and pay for their social security! I’m on to you geriatrics! But hell, I guess there’s really nothing to worry about, because deep down, none of us really want to die. We want to grow old like our elders, and if we want to keep the checks coming each month, we have to keep the secret. Did I just figure this out on my own, and everyone else has just been keeping it from me this long?!? Ah well, either way, the secret has been spilled…