New Age Ice Treats
Thought up:  4.22.02 – 7:23pm
Written: 4.24.02 – 3:17pm
#4
These days, everyone is really into “New Age” diets.  All these health nuts are not eating anything that is remotely tasty, but instead they are eating fancy expensive health foods.  So why not prey on these poor souls that don’t enjoy a hearty ½-pound of cow with 4 strips of dead pig.  Now that’s what I was raised on, and to this day, I still rate at the top of my list.  Now I don’t care if they like to eat what they like to eat.  I have no problem with that, but I just figure, why not take it a step further?

Why not give them something to really rant and rave about?  Modern diets are heavily laden with fruits and vegetables, and I personally don’t care for veggies, and I am sure many people agree.  So why don’t we find a way to cash in on it?  I think it would be a splendid idea to take all the veggies that you don’t eat, and put them in a big box.  Every time you can’t eat a vegetable, save them for however long you want, until the box is full I guess, and I’ll start up a website like Ihateveggiesandwanttodonatethemtoagoodcauseandsoshouldyousoputtheminaboxandsendthemtoandy.com and you can all send me your veggies because I just got this new food blender.  I’d take them suckers and whip them up into a creamy batch of yuck.  I’d then get some old corndog sticks, (don’t tell the vegetarians, the corndog sticks might still have hotdog on them) and put some sugar in the puree so that they stick to the sticks, and freeze the delightful treats.  It doesn’t even matter if you refrigerate your box of bad tasting stuff.  Mold is a spore, not a veggie, but I don’t suppose hippies would notice.

could make a killing on these treats!  People love that crap nowadays.  Well, some people I guess.  I can just see the commercial for it…

Unshaven hippy-type man:  Ah yes, after a nice day of work at the nudist colony, I always like to take a leisurely jog in the park with my dog.  Then I come home to a nice, cold, tasty, BlendoGrode*.  BlendoGrode is a delicious mix of random vegetables and possible mold on a used corndog stick.  Yum…

*BlendoGrode has not been approved by the FDA.  We gave it to some lab rats and their wieners fell off, so you’re on your own.  If symptoms persist for longer than 3 years, consult a doctor but don’t mention BlendoGrode.  Thank you.